well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You need Xanax blowdarts
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
