I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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