The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
