false alarm. still invincible.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
