we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
