who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
