4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
