Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my being single is dangerous.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
