He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
