so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
