tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
