Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
