She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I got her a Nickelback box set.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
