First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
