Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
