I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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