There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
