I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
