So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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