I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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