Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
