haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
