You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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