I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
