oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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