I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It's just like the Real World with babies
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
