this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
