remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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