When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
