I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
