considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
