barbara walters just said penis...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
