Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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