The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't tell me you're on acid again
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
