she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
