You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
