My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
