my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
