I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
