You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
