You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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