dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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