You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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