to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
