My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
