I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
