what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
