My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
