okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
