Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just cropdusted the office
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
